Just taking a break....

I've had a few phone calls and emails about why I haven't posted in a while. Its certainly not for a lack of stuff going on. In fact, I have sat down and starting several posts in the last few weeks only to save them as drafts or delete them altogether. I just can't seem to put what's in my head and heart in words that make much sense as of late. So for now, I am taking a break.

Resolutions

As its the new year, inevitably its time to make some new resolutions or goals. I heard someone on the news today talking about how to give you a better chance at achieving your goals. One of the suggestions was to declare them publicly, so here we go.....

1. Organize. Pretty much all of last year was spent surviving each day so you can imagine the state of our basement and closets. My goal for January is to go through both and make several trips to D.I. I have been saving the boys clothes and baby clothes for years as they would get passed down. Its time those clothes found new homes outside of my own. Each month I think I will pick a part of the house to reorganize.

2. Figure out a system for the countless papers that walk through my door each day. I have a couple ideas I'm willing to try, we'll see what works the best.

3. Get our credit card paid off in the next 6 months. I was talking to someone recently about this and they mentioned that it must be difficult to pay off all the hospital bills. Early last year I felt impressed to make a yearly budget. For the most part it was pretty accurate. Of course I didn't realize the extent of our medical expenses at the time but because I mapped everything out we were in a much better place than had we not. Even with all the medical bills I think we would have been fine, what I didn't anticipate was the $1000 a month we spent in gas for our cars traveling to the hospital and the double food budget the months I was on bed rest and spending days at the hospital. That for the most part went on the credit card. Combine that with the medical bills and you can guess that our credit card has seen waaaaay too much activity for my liking this year. Even still, some would say that what we owe is not very much considering our year, but for me if that bill can't be paid off each month I tend to hyperventilate just a little. I have started tutoring again to help and much to my kids dismay we are cutting back in a few other areas as well. The sooner we can get that paid off the better!!!!

4. Eat healthier. We have fallen into the trap of fast and easy meals this last year that are not always the healthiest. Now that I am home more we can get back to planning out our weekly menu and cut all the junk that has found its way in the door.

5. Nuture the soul. I don't quite know how to phrase what I'm thinking so that is the best I have come up with. Since the days in the hospital with Aaron I have less tolerance for noisy TV's and radios. I find I read so much more now given that I was reading at his bedside for so long. I am constantly searching for things to read that uplifts. Sometimes I'm in the mood for deep spiritual journey's through my reading but mostly I just want to read light things that make me happy and don't force my battered brain to have to think too much. That may change in the future but for now, just give me happy and light.

6. Search for the Joy. I have found that I have built some walls up inside to protect me from different things. I know they are there and for now just knowing the walls are there is work enough. Eventually I will begin to take them down, when I'm ready. At least that is what I tell myself. I was talking to a good friend right before Christmas who has also lost a child, she has been a lifeline these last few months. She made a comment to me that I loved. She reminded me that whatever heartache we experience here the Lord will be multiply it in joy. I am searching for that joy. Sometimes its hard to find but I know its there if we but make the effort to look. My #1 goal this year is to search for joy.