At Peace

The last month for us has been trying at best. With the disappointing news we received yesterday about Aaron's prognosis we have come to terms with what lies ahead of us. The hardest part for me is feeling him move inside me and knowing that I may not feel his physical presence for much longer. Our hope is not lost, yet we understand what reality is and the chance of his survival rests in the Lord's hands. We know miracles happen all around us and know that the children we have been blessed with are miracles unto themselves.

When the first specialist gave us his recommendations and opinions 3 weeks ago we were crushed and felt as if the weight of the world was on our shoulders. Today the news was different but not any better. This time however we have felt so much better. It would be easy to fall into the trap of blaming that first doctor for what he missed and refused to consider. We did make a formal complaint with the office and will leave it at that. What is is, no amount of anger and frustration will change that so we have let it go. We are grateful for the specialist we saw yesterday who gave us a better picture of what is going on and who just listened and took our concerns seriously. He was truly a blessing for us.

At dinner last night I broke the news to our kids. I wanted them to understand that although we pray for the baby to grow and be healthy, Heavenly Father gets to make the ultimate decision. Even though we pray for the baby to come he may not come whole as we want him to, and that its not that Heavenly Father hasn't answered our prayers, he just answers them in the best way for us and that may be giving us peace to know that baby Aaron is where he needs to be. All 4 of them looked at me and said, "We already know that Mom, don't you?". I couldn't believe it, what a lesson for me. Such simple faith and yet as an adult I struggle with that so much.

We are at peace with where things are. What will come will come and we will deal with what the Lord has in store for us buoyed by the prayers offered in our behalf and the knowledge that our Father in Heaven knows our hearts and will give us the comfort that we need. The doctor assured us that Aaron is in no pain which comforts us as well. We are doing what we can to prepare for each outcome and have put the rest of the burden back in the Lord's hands.