Sunday, October 09, 2011

Testimonies and Certificates

Yesterday Aaron's death certificate came in the mail. I could only look at it for a minute. I still haven't had a chance to get his birth certificate. Ironic that we should have the other one first. The Social Security Department has requested that I bring them a copy. I sent their $30 check back with the box checked that Aaron was deceased and called to notify them personally, shouldn't that be enough?

Today was a tough one. I didn't realize when walking into church this morning it was Fast Sunday. With Fast Sunday always comes baby blessings. When I realized what was going on the doors were closed and I didn't want to make a scene walking out, so I stuck it out. Its not hard to see other's blessing their babies, I'm very happy for them, its just that it reminds me that I wasn't there for Aaron's. My body was still being put back together at that point. I saw that Ronny was having a hard time today too. Ben asked me if one of those babies was Aaron and I said no. He asked me yesterday why I made Aaron die and not come home. I knew these questions would come sooner or later. I explained once again about Aaron's situation, someday his little brain will be able to comprehend. When the time came for testimonies the new mother's hurried up and shared their thoughts and feelings. I knew I should get up and thank the ward for their service to our family, I just couldn't. I looked over at Ronny and could see he was thinking the same thing. He did what I couldn't today, he got up and shared gratitude for the both of us.

5 comments:

Day Family said...

We are praying for you every day that you might have courage and peace. We love you guys!

KJlovesBubba said...

. . . oh wow. i can't even imagine. big time virtual hug sent your way. i'm sure there will be more "every day" moments that will cause a little heartache.

christa said...

i know i haven't felt the way you are feeling but i understand the sorrow. we love you. it will be a long journey. i'm so grateful we have the Lord to help us through it.

Sant Family said...

You guys remain in my prayers. I think that no one expected you or Ronny to say anything. Your family is a good example of great courage and faith. We were all blessed to know Aaron and thank you for sharing his miraculous life with us.

Cindy Lou said...

I know what this has done to my testimony and can not even imagine what it has done to yours.