Thursday, September 22, 2011

Are You Really Asking Me That???

Aaron's weight shot up again last night 230 grams. His belly is once again significantly extended. Rounds today were somber and frustrating. It felt as if the doctor and nurse practitioner had given up and were just biding their time. Aaron seems to be able to be consoled better today and comes down quicker from "cares". When I left today he was at 44 on his FIO2.

While standing next to Aaron and talking softly to him today's nurse came over and wanted to hold his hand as well. She started to ask me questions that included, "Have you ever taken care of a handicap patient, Have you had to deal with lots of crisis in your life?, Have you had to deal with a close family member passing away before?" At one point she said, "Well instead of having to make the decision to stop life support he may just go on his own." After all that she asked, "Have you had a chance to laugh about something Aaron has done?". I was so shocked I could barely talk. I just wanted to scream "Get Away, this is my time with my son and I do not want to share it with someone who asks these questions!"

Throughout the months of July and August when Aaron was so close to the edge I never felt the despair that I felt in his room today. I was so frustrated, I could hardly speak! I'm always asked in rounds if I have any questions. I so wanted to ask them to have a better attitude. If I wasn't so close to loosing my cool I would have. I know Aaron is once again close to that edge but time and time again he has decided to keep playing this crazy game of life. I don't know that this time is different but I'm sure not giving up on him now!

One a much happier note, my sister comes home from her mission tonight. We are so excited to see her after 18 months. I have not been the best letter writer as our life has had other priorities but we have prayed for her every day and night while she has been gone. She has done a great job as a missionary and is certainly returning with honor! Hooray Michelle!